Last week, I began to take a downward turn. My energy was gone. I had trouble eating. My throat felt like it was being stabbed by a hot poker. I felt so bad by Friday that I did not go to a professional training for which I had already paid the tuition. Those of you …
You know how sometimes life just converges on you in such a way that you have to face something uncomfortable that you would rather just avoid? Yep, me too. I have been struggling with chronic pain for the past few months. My right forearm started with painful, hard lumps under the skin. Initially, I thought it was infected lymph …
This week the news media announced the suicide deaths of two young people who survived the tragic Parkland, Florida shooting. Many surmised that the sticky web of trauma, depression, and survivor guilt had caught them in despair so deep these young people only saw one way out. Death. I understood that process. Even in my …
Driving the back, country roads to my own therapy appointment, I reveled in the beauty of fall as I listened to a podcast with Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly. Brene was talking about how people struggle with painful experiences, but often talk about it afterwards by skipping the middle of the narrative. The story goes …
Spoons. Who would think that this simple table utensil would become such a part of my vocabulary. But it has thanks to Christine Miserandino. Christine, who has Lupus writes on her blog, “But You Don’t Look Sick” about her attempt to share what her life with Lupus is like with her best friend. Sitting quietly in a …
The moment my eyes popped open this morning I thought about how today was the beginning of a new time. For the first time in seven and a half years, I did not take a cancer drug this morning. Brightly colored supplements and vitamins, yes. The drug Tamoxifen, no. Today, I officially stop treatment. Nine …
“I don’t want you to be mad at me if I die too soon.” As the words tripped off my tongue, I felt something click inside. Boom. I had just given voice to my deepest fear. If I make the decision to stop treatment, will Brandi, Amber, and Brie be angry with me if I …
This past weekend brought more statements about John McCain’s cancer prognosis from his family. It was ripe with statements using words like “fight” and “battle”. This language seems consistent with Senator McCain’s history of military service and imprisonment at a Vietnamese POW camp. But aggressive language about cancer makes me feel uncomfortable. You know, uncomfortable …
This week has been an opportunity to reflect on how one responds when life says “no”. I was listening to a podcast with the late Maya Angelou and Oprah on yet another trip to and from the doctor’s office. Maya was discussing how she responds to life’s greatest disappointments with gratitude. “Thank you for firing …
My wise friend told me last week that she is going to make a T shirt for me that says, “Be careful what you say to me. I might blog about you.” This conversation took place after I ranted for a few minutes about thoughtless things people say to cancer patients. I had been on …
