Spoons. Who would think that this simple table utensil would become such a part of my vocabulary. But it has thanks to Christine Miserandino. Christine, who has Lupus writes on her blog, “But You Don’t Look Sick” about her attempt to share what her life with Lupus is like with her best friend. Sitting quietly in a cafe, she looks around and spies spoons sitting on the tables around her. She gathers them up and hands them to her friend. Each spoon represents the limited amount of energy Christine has for the day. She instructs her friend to begin listing off the tasks of her day and as she does so, Christine takes a spoon. Her friend is through her basic morning routine when she notices she has a small number of spoons remaining. She educates her friend that she can take some spoons from tomorrow’s allotment, but that will make tomorrow a tough day to get through.
The entire process made Christine’s friend tearful as the enormity of how Christine moves through the world truly hit her. Christine’s wisdom did not stop with the experience. Instead, she shared that she sees it as a blessing. That while many move through life aimlessly, wasting their spoons, she has an opportunity to see who and what really matters to her. She wrote that she did not want the people in her life to get frustrated or resentful when she was not able to share in experiences with them. She wanted them to, instead, look at time spent together as her seeing their value in her spoon.
This past weekend while at a church retreat, I was running low on spoons despite my best effort to attend to my energy. While I debated hiking back to the retreat center from a boat ride on the lake or taking an offered ride, my wife, Brandi, leaned in close to me and quietly inquired, “Do you want to use a spoon on that?” Being very skilled as watching my spoons, I graciously accepted the ride back.
I share this in part because I love the shared language of spoons. I honor that people with severe or chronic illness struggle with accepting their finite energy on any given day. Spoons normalizes that struggle and allows them to know they are not alone. It does not speak to anything about their worth, their character, or their life. It says their body forces them to be mindful about how they spend the precious gift of time and energy.
Energy is on my mind often lately. I wonder, will I have more energy now that I have taken a break from treatment. What will that look and feel like? And then I remember, I need to be in the moment, to treasure the spoons I have today. If I get more, I will treasure the extra helping of energy. Until then, know that I see value in you, my dear readers. This spoon is for you.
