The past five days have been challenging. Last week’s endometrial biopsy came back inconclusive because the surgeon did not collect endometrial tissue in the pipette. While this is a rare occurrence, it does happen in about 5% of endometrial biopsies. Just call me Miss Five Percent. What does this mean for me? It means that the answers I longed for about the mass in my uterus must remain unanswered for five more weeks. (Five is becoming my least favorite number!) In five weeks, I am scheduled for surgery where a camera will be inserted into my uterus and will guide the biopsy. Biopsy results will then be available the following week.

So, my case of the blues was filled with impatience about waiting for a diagnosis and dread about having another cancer-related surgery. It was filled with feeling like my life is on hold because I don’t know whether I will be able to participate in planned summer activities. It was filled with wanting to know if I am going to face another brush with this deadly disease.

Tonight, my perspective shifted when I faced death by meatloaf. I was doing dinner prep: washing and cutting some fresh pea pods, slicing up leftover turkey and spinach meatloaf, when I cut off a nibble and popped it in my mouth. Instantly, I felt a piece of meatloaf lodge in my windpipe. Tears filled my eyes. I tried to cough to dislodge the meatloaf. I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t control my bodily functions. I had visions of Brandi coming home from a run to the grocery store to find me dead on the floor. Feeling close to losing consciousness, I managed a vicious cough that finally dislodged the deadly food particle.

When Brandi returned home shortly after, I had collected myself, cleaned myself up and changed into comfortable clothes. I shared my harrowing experience with her and received a helpful amount of sympathy and hugging. We joked about death by meatloaf. Then I looked at her straight in the eye and said, “I’ve been worrying about cancer and yet, death can come anywhere, at any time.” It did put my last five days in perspective. It brought me out of the future and out of the past. It reminded me that I need to stay in this moment, in this day. After all, in the words of a Meatloaf song, “Heaven Can Wait”.