A young woman sat on my couch and shared the ways in which her marriage, which was headed toward divorce, was showing signs of rebirth.  Intimate conversations and a renewed sense of connection gave her hope.  She also shared how scary it was to be in this place of rebirth.  What if it only lasts a short time?  What if it goes back to the old, painful existence of emotional walls being erected?  She is not alone.  Many of the people I see start to squirm in their seats when the hard work of therapy begins to pay off.  It is the vulnerability.

Brene Brown, a vulnerability researcher and my superhero, explores all the ways in which we experience vulnerability and all the ways we fight (or amour up in her words) against vulnerability.  I am a little too much of a control enthusiast to welcome vulnerability.  But I see its value.  When I allow myself to be vulnerable, I leave myself open to disappointment, rejection, and emotional pain.  But I also leave myself open to connection and joy.  I am really living my life with an open heart.  This is how I desire to live my life.

I must confess that in the past few days, I’ve been on the run from vulnerability.  Progress is being made on the publication of my book and I am giving voice to my story and my truth in this blog.  I feel very vulnerable.   A Christian, lesbian therapist who is a cancer patient writing a blog about her experiences, thoughts, and emotions.  What was I doing?  What was I thinking?  I shared these feelings with a friend and realized I needed to do the very thing I was encouraging my young client to do.  I needed to be brave; be courageous.  I needed to be a truth teller, my truth.  My truth is I’m a lesbian.  My truth is I walk this journey of life in a relationship with Jesus.  My truth is that I am a cancer patient, a therapist, a wife, a mother, a friend, a human.  I don’t walk this path to seek controversy or distain, although I am sure I will get some of both.  I walk this path to be authentic and real, to live out my purpose on earth.  One of my favorite Brene-isms is Show Up. Be Seen. Live Brave.  This post is me, showing up, being seen, living brave.  How about you?