All of us have been hit hard by the events of recent weeks; the deaths of elementary students and teachers, the war in Ukraine, the many families going without basic necessities, and hate crimes that target people of color and the LGBTQ community. It fills our media. It drains our soul.

So how do we, in the face of all this suffering, feel joy? It is a challenge I am facing these days. I am currently not doing Are You Hungry, where I hand out food and essentials to the hungry and homeless in my community. I am on hiatus because of concerns about the recent uptick in COVID cases and the need to protect my vulnerable immune system. How do I not feel guilty about protecting myself when others are in need? Then this morning, I listened to a podcast with Brene Brown and Karen Walrond, author of The Lightmaker’s Manifesto: How to Work for Change Without Losing Your Joy. Karen said two things that hit home for me.

Karen described the many ways in which the earth has an ebb and flow to it: the phases of the moon, changes in the surf of the ocean, the evolving seasons of our years. Karen attached this rhythm to the work of activism and change making. There is an ebb and a flow and without it, we burn out our light. It helped me to see this hiatus from Are You Hungry as a natural rhythm inherent in being a lightmaker. It loosened the tight grip that guilt had around my heart. Loosened, not eradicated.

Karen shared her daily practice of gratitude. Someplace deep inside, her words created a connection between filling ourselves with the joy and having the internal resources to show up for others who are suffering. I recognized the sliver of guilt that often lines my thoughts of gratitude and the power of letting that guilt flow out of me. I can only give from a well that is filled up. Gratitude and joy are the source that nourishes my soul. But I must proactively reach out for that every day.

Most of you, my dear readers, know that I take media fasts when the world is too dark and my own powerlessness to change that is overwhelming. But today, I began to reflect not on shutting out the darkness. I began to reflect on how I can nurture joy. And that choice begins with me. And you.

So, in my quest for embracing gratitude and joy, I want all of you to know how grateful I am for this community. I cherish writing my most vulnerable thoughts and emotions. I cherish that you share your most vulnerable thoughts and emotions with me. You are a joy and that joy will fill me until I can show up again in the world.

Be well, my dear reader.