This morning I attended the funeral of a beloved wife, mother, and grandmother. Returning home, I changed into a pair of leggings, a rumpled comfy hoodie, and my well-worn pair of rocket dogs and I plopped down on the living room couch. I began to peruse the latest People magazine, where I found an article about 25 women who have dedicated time to making a difference. From fighting AIDS in Africa to finding a cure to helping women embrace their own beauty, these women have worked tirelessly to change the landscape of our world. It got me thinking about how each of us has the capacity to make a difference in the lives of other people. I also reflected on the women in my life who have made a difference. The first woman I thought of was my mother, Laddie Barthels. My mother was born as a delightful late-in-life surprise to my grandparents in 1927 on a farm in the Green Bay, Wisconsin area. With parents who adored her and two doting older sisters, she had an idyllic childhood. However, she did experience a traumatic event as both a child and an adult that shaped her view of herself and the world. She often experienced crushing anxiety and that will make my story all the more poignant.

It was a warm Sunday morning in August, 1976. I was pacing back and forth in the green tiled waiting room of the hospital’s emergency room. I was due to create a trench in the floor if I did not stop sometime soon. I reached out to both of my ministers but being Sunday morning, they were unavailable. Alone, with a shaky voice, I used the pay phone to make a collect call home. “Mom, I’m all alone and I need you to come and be with me. I’m afraid Greta is going to die and I love her. I mean I’m in love with her. She is not my roommate. She is my lover.”

As far as coming out scenes went, this is never how I pictured it. I saw myself in the family room calmly telling my parents about my love for Greta. I had not gotten around to labeling it with words like homosexual or gay, even in my own head. I just knew I loved her. Loved her with a love I had never experienced in my young life. And now, this woman I loved so deeply may be dying in the ER, just beyond my reach. She had tried to kill herself in our apartment that morning, where I had found her lifeless body. She did not want to be gay, but she could not bring herself to end our relationship. She had already tried that. So, that morning, while I was out running errands before church, she chose death. It was devastating.

The emergency room that I paced was located almost an hour away from where my parents lived. My mother had never driven alone outside of their city, EVER. Her fear was deep and wide. I knew that my plea was not a simple request. But that morning, she drew from a well of courage deep inside her and drove herself to the hospital. She never said anything about my coming out to her on the phone. She hugged me and held my hand. She focused on comforting me and getting information about Greta’s medical condition. She stayed with me until we were told Greta had stabilized and would be moved to the psychiatric unit for continuing care. Despite the homophobic climate of that time, I never heard a word of judgement, EVER. I only saw a mother’s worry and love in her eyes.

My mother gave me so many gifts that day. She gave me the gifts of acceptance and compassion. I knew she did not want me to be gay, but I learned that day that love supersedes all of that. I also learned that love can help us tap into a bravery we do not know we have. Through all the ups and downs of our mother-daughter relationship, that one day made such a lasting impact on my life. I will forever be grateful and I continue to miss her dearly.

My mother is gone from this world. But there are other women who have made a difference in my life that are still here. I am committing to sharing my gratitude with them more frequently. So, who are the special women in your life who have made a difference? If you make a comment, please share with all of us about that special woman. And no matter what, find a way to reach out to those who have given you life-changing gifts and say, “thank you”. And remember, that making a difference can look like a breast cancer campaign. But it can also look like leaving your safe zone on a warm Sunday morning.