This week has been an opportunity to reflect on how one responds when life says “no”. I was listening to a podcast with the late Maya Angelou and Oprah on yet another trip to and from the doctor’s office. Maya was discussing how she responds to life’s greatest disappointments with gratitude. “Thank you for firing me because I know this means I am meant for something better” kind of gratitude. I have long admired Maya and her spiritual wisdom.

Then, I was in session with a client who was dealing with a big “no” from life. Not the “I missed out on my child’s school play” kind of “no”. The sucker punch to the face, what the he** just happened, I’m not sure I can wrap my head around this, shake your fist at God kind of “no”. It was emotionally painful to watch my client struggle through the grief and deep disappointment she was experiencing. I shared Maya’s insight about gratitude in the face of hearing life’s big “no”. Too soon. The grief was too raw and the pain was floating right on the surface of her being. I may share it again with her in the future. I saw her stagger under the belief that the “no” was intimately tied to her sense of worthiness. If I was a better (fill in the blank), then this would not have happened.

All of this caused me to reflect on how I handle life’s big “no’s”. Of course, cancer is the first thing that comes to mind. It is my life’s biggest “no”. Have I tied worthiness to my cancer experience? At some level, the answer is yes. Facing these recurrent infections (now on number eight), I wonder what I am doing wrong to be so sick. 

I too, experience grief and loss as part of cancer’s big “no” to me. A friend of mine is training for a triathlon and posting her training times on Facebook. I am so proud of her and the physical and emotional endurance she is displaying. But, I am also grieving for the athlete I used to be. Sometimes, I experience deep gratitude for who I was and that I ever got to experience that level of athletic strength. But, sometimes there is still deep sadness that I have left behind this part of my life on my journey with cancer. I am standing in a doorway. I look where I came from and I feel gratitude I was ever there. But I look ahead through the doorway, and I see the life I have created. My writing would not exist without cancer’s big “no”. When I reflect on that, I can almost feel Maya Angelou being channeled through me. The difference is Maya only looked ahead and I feel a need now and again to longingly glance back through the doorway to what used to be.

So, my dear readers, how do you respond to life’s big “no’s”? Where can you find the spiritual wisdom to say thank you for “no”?