Relationships are tricky. And they can reflect so much about our childhood experiences and the stories we weaved about ourselves when we were young. The most painful narratives are those stories that tell us we can not be loved just as we are. Instead we tell ourselves the tale that we must be.. .(fill in the blank) enough to be lovable. As I watch my clients wrestle with this narrative, I am reminded of the beliefs I created earlier in my own life. And the struggle to release those beliefs and open myself up for new ones. Stories are powerful and rewriting them is a painful task.

Helping my clients believe they are worthy of setting boundaries and asking for what they need in relationships is often painful for me. Because of their diminished sense of self, they have chosen to be in relationship with people who are not able to hear and respect those boundaries or needs. For many of my clients, starting to set boundaries means losing the relationship. And this experience reinforces that belief, “If I ask for what I need or set a boundary, I will be rejected and abandoned.” And then, instead of celebrating their courage, they often become small and quiet like the child they once were. And it hurts my heart to witness that process. Because I see their soul. I see their worthiness. And I know the immense power that could come from revising their story.

They need a story that tells them someone else’s inability to honor your boundaries has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their internal world. They need a story that tells them there are people in this world who will honor the courage it takes to ask for what you need or set boundaries. You may hit a few bumps and bruises on your way to find them. But they are there. And so am I.

So, my dear readers, if you are carrying a narrative of being “less than” or unworthy, consider wrestling with that story. All of us have messiness in ourselves and in our lives. We are not perfect. But we are all worthy of love and belonging.

This is for you, J and K