It started with a simple text on Friday night telling me that Mark had died unexpectedly earlier that day. I was stunned, as though I could not catch my breath for a bit. I was in disbelief. And then, I was stunned again. I had communicated with him less than 48 hours before this. The loss of someone I cared for deeply, slammed into my solar plexus. Just homegrown, deep down grief showing its face. Damn it.

I often talk with my clients about grief as the price we pay for love. Love and loss go hand and hand I tell them. When I share that, it is genuine. But when the waves of grief are washing over me this weekend, I only feel deep sadness that I will never see or talk with Mark again. I replay memories of my time with him, smiling one moment at something humorous he said and crying the next. Followed by gratitude I ever had the privilege to know him.

Who is Mark to me, you ask. He is one of my clients in my Live Brave group. It is a group that meets every other week to explore the ways we can live a braver, more authentic, more compassionate life. Mark did all that and more. While he worked at being brave, authentic, and compassionate, he was a guiding force in other group members doing the same. Thoughtful questions. Careful listening. Words of unconditional support. He was amazing.

And while his death triggered my grief, it again made me reflect on this crazy career I have. It is a where I have a professional relationship with someone; A relationship where hopefully my training and experience show me how to guide and encourage someone in the healing process. But this professional relationship consists of two human beings. And while there are boundaries on this relationship, you can not set a boundary on caring for your client, feeling compassion, laughing at their jokes, or feeling empathy for their pain. You can not forget all the ways your work together was woven into their lives and their resilience was woven into yours. Therapy works because a genuine human connection exists. Until it does not. And when that human connection no longer exists, you do what human beings must do in the face of such loss. Grieve. So the process begins.

NOTE: Mark is used in this post to protect my client’s identity and confidentiality.