I have been silent, missing in action so to speak, for the past six months from my blog. I made a deliberate decision six months ago to stop writing and focus on my own health. Well, actually my body made a deliberate decision. My medical care for the past six months has demanded my full attention with little room for reflection. I simply had to put one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing, i.e. medical procedure. life’s focus has been so clear, it has been laser-sharp.

Then came COVID-19. It was a game=changer for the entire planet, myself included. I often talk with my clients about shared human experiences or a sense of “shared humanity” as a building block to self-compassion. COVID-19 is shared humanity on steroids, as we all watch with horror the number counts increase for the diagnosed or dead. Like many, I have turned to my faith as solace in this time of darkness and I look with a spiritual eye toward explanations for why this is happening.

I have heard many explanations from different people as to the reason this pandemic has occurred. These explanation range from ‘this is the way the world is thinning out our overwhelming population on the planet’ to the belief ‘God is punishing us for our moral failures.’ Both ideas disturb me. Or there is the belief that a spiritual understanding does not exist and this is the story of a bat and a human bite.

I do not believe that I will ever unearth a spiritual explanation that will bring me the certainty or the comfort I long for. Instead, my spiritual quest is a search for meaning. How can I, Julie Barthels, create meaning out of this? What are the ways in which my life will shift and transform? How will I do things differently? How will my perception change? And as this pandemic has become prolonged, I am beginning to catch glimpses of that meaning. I have discovered a renewed commitment to my prayer life. I have begun to realize that things I saw as indispensable in my life, are not really essential to my well-being. I have seen with fresh eyes the love I have for the people in my life.

Are you in search for an explanation of this time? How can a search for meaning create transformation in your life? A wish for you, my dear readers, a journey of discovering the light in the midst of great darkness. Take care.