It happens every year in February. “I hate Valentine’s Day” is heard from the person sitting across from me, on the couch in my office. It is often followed by a litany of reasons, often related to the loneliness of being single or memories of a lost love that continues to haunt them. I know that this focus has been encouraged by the media and marketing groups that make Valentine’s Day circle around romantic love or sexual intimacy. Its origin was the Roman celebration of spring. Later on, the day was named Valentine’s Day in honor of two Christian martyrs, named Valentine, who were put to death on that day. Some of the mythology of Valentine’s Day is around the pairing of couples by the mythological figure, Cupid.
Since the beginning, the meaning of Valentine’s Day is murky at best. I decided long ago to craft my own meaning and dedicate the day to loving people. Since that day, Valentine’s Day has become my favorite holiday. Carefully handmade greeting cards will be sent to my two daughters and my cousins. Brandi will also receive a handmade card with a love letter inside. I often challenge my clients to ask how they can show love on Valentines instead of hating it. Is there an elderly neighbor who might appreciate a muffin and cup of steaming tea delivered to their doorstep? Instead of buying chocolates, can you go to the pet store and purchase dog or cat food for those animals in the shelter? Is there an old friend you have lost touch with who might appreciate contact, even if it is through instant messenger? Can you spend time in prayer or meditation for someone you love who is experiencing the dark times of life? How can you express your love for a person (not necessarily romantic), love for God, love for the earth, or love for life?
As I was thinking about writing this post, my first Valentine showed up in a text message. A sweet friend sent a link to a song that spoke to her of me. I was touched, tearfully wiping away the tears running down my face, touched. Some of the lyrics follow:
BRAVE AND KIND by SIRSY
One for strength
Two for joy
Three for better days
All that I
Counted on
Seems so far away
So here I stand
On foreign ground
Trying not to sway
With nothing left to lose
but everything
DARE ME TO TRY
TO MAKE ME WHOLE
AND I WILL FIGHT
I WILL TRY
TO BE BRAVE AND KIND
One for hope
Two for grace
Three for chancing it
All that I counted on
I took for granted
With this scar
I am found
I am branded
With everything to lose
This is nothing
DARE ME TO TRY
TO MAKE ME WHOLE
AND I WILL FIGHT
I WILL TRY
TO BE BRAVE AND KIND
I am blood
I am bones
But I am not afraid
The words are amazing and speak to me. (Except, sometimes I am afraid.) To have someone see you, really see you, and how you are trying to live your life. That is LOVE. Deeper, richer, more powerful than silky lingerie and roses. That is the “I’m with you in the trenches” kind of love. What makes it so eloquent is that this friend has only come into my life in the past year. And the song’s writer, a friend of my friend, created the lyrics during her second bout with breast cancer. We all have the power to touch others with love and to be touched by love. All of us.
And so, my dear readers, may you find that love. May you offer it to others. May it reach back around to find you again. And again. Happy Valentine’s Day.
