It is funny to me how loud silence can really be.  But, last week a dear person asked me if I was doing okay because I had not posted on my blog in a while.  I guess in this case, my silence sent a message.  While unintended, the message was on point.  The truth is that I have been struggling with grieving.  My grief is not something I can write about in this public forum, but it does bring with it the usual accompaniments… sadness, loss, tears, and wondering about how this loss will influence the future.

What fascinates me about grief is how the deep sadness sits so intimately with gratitude.  As I have struggled with the losses associated with cancer, I have also felt so grateful for the gifts and lessons it has brought into my life.  Without cancer, I doubt that I would have even considered becoming a writer.  As I have grieved for those I loved that are now gone, I appreciate the opportunity to have loved and been loved by them in my lifetime.  Memories of connection and laughter are a soothing balm to a longing heart.

I do not know what the gifts of this period of mourning will bring to me.  It is too fresh and too raw in this moment.  But I do know that it will bring its own lessons and insights into my life.  It is my job to follow where it takes me, to breathe, to be present.

So, know my dear readers, that life continues to unfold for me as it does for you.  All we can ask of ourselves is to simply experience the valley and know that it is a space in time that will flow out in the same way it arrived.  Healing is on its way.