Having emotionally prepared myself for a month, I walked into church yesterday knowing I walked into the epicenter of grief. Yesterday was the last church service to be led by our pastor, Rob James. Rob has enriched our life together in countless ways. His most powerful influence has been the ability to create a safe place for us to wrestle with the thorny issues of faith. He has challenged us to look at what it means to be a faith community. And saying goodbye to him yesterday felt like a funeral for someone still living. Words of praise and grief intermingled. Tears flowed freely. Feelings of loss rose and fell like the tides of the ocean. And then church was over.

Brandi and I stopped to get a bite to eat and then it was time for me to nap. Afterwards, it seemed quiet moments of the day naturally brought up recollections of our time with Rob. Hosta stories. Remember when he…? What I will miss the most is… Laughter about the playful banter we enjoyed with him. Feeling blessed in the ways he walked with Brandi and I through dark times, with prayer and thoughtfulness. When it was time to go to bed, Brandi wrote in her gratitude journal, a practice of writing one sentence daily to express gratitude. Brandi said, “You know what I’m grateful for? That I ever got to know Rob James at all.” 

Her words resonated with me, but not just because I feel deeply grateful to have ever known Rob James at all. Her words touched because it was a poignant reminder. Of all the profound losses I have experienced in my life, there exists an equal measure of gratitude for ever having the relationship or experience in the first place. In my book, I’d Rather Love Life Than Hate Cancer, I explore this concept, naming it reverse blessings. Leave it to my wife to remind me of it at a moment I needed it most. 

I will miss Rob in the coming years and so will the faith community he started twelve years ago and has nurtured ever since. But in those moments of loss, gratitude will blossom. Emotions of longing will transform into warm memories of time together. And we will continue to cultivate the seeds of faith and grace he planted.

Farewell Rob James. Thank you. I am forever blessed to have known you.