In my last blog post, I explored the legacy of Fred Rogers from the children’s television program, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. For most of us, Mr. Rogers filled us with a sense of curiosity about the world and the wonder of unconditional care. Despite that, he did not leave this world feeling he left behind a meaningful legacy which made me incredibly sad. At the same time, I am reading the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k by Mark Manson. Despite the provocative title, Mark explores the idea of legacy and challenges us to evaluate the metric or means by which we evaluate our legacy.

A few months ago, I was in session with a client, exploring her personal identity and how it influenced her decisions. She decided to turn the tables on me and asked me which words I would want others to use to describe me. My three decades in therapy allowed me to deflect the question back to my client. But the commute home that night had me pondering. What are those words? Spiritual? Yes. Kind? Definitely. Grateful? Absolutely. But those are my aspirational values. How do those words get translated into my daily life? Because I believe the metrics for measuring my legacy is not just in my intention, but in my practice. 

My faith often feels unshakeable. Even in the moments I do not feel God’s presence, I know, ABSOLUTELY know, He is there. But my practice of faith? Eek. Not so good. I go to church on Sunday mornings when I feel well enough to do so. I listen to praise music in the car and am often prayerful doing so. But setting aside time for reading the Bible and prayer? Not so good. How about talking about my faith to others? Pretty poor there too. I have seen the way faith and God has been used as a weapon to wound people and I am careful not to trigger those deep and lasting hurts. It keeps me quiet and still about my faith at times when I have an overwhelming urge to share. The desire to be kind is deeply rooted within me. But do I always put it into practice? If you asked my family, they would say I’m good until there is an intersection between fatigue and hunger. Then my kindness takes a downhill slide. The word, “toddler” has been used in those circumstances. My ability to be kind is influenced by my humanness and resulting imperfections. And gratitude? Cancer has taught me gratitude at a depth of which I thought I could never experience. In the most painful of circumstances, I see that which is a source of gratitude. When my daughter, Brie, was attacked ten weeks ago, it was so intensely painful for our family. And yet, I still saw the gift of how the experience made our mother-daughter relationship stronger, and closer. Even now, we make time to connect more of a priority than we did prior to the trauma of the attack. And my love for her. I don’t understand how one human heart can contain my deep love for her. I am so grateful for that love. 

As I said in my last post, I may not have created the “big picture” legacy I desire for my life. And I may never understand how others perceive me in my daily life. But my legacy will be measured by the juncture between my aspirational values and those I put into practice. As I have learned more about the life of Fred Rogers, I believe his lack of seeing a legacy does not reflect the complete picture. The issue is in his rigid metric. This is a man whose aspirational values and daily life were in sync. He lived out his values on the television screen, but more important he practiced his values through all aspects of his daily life. That is a powerful legacy to leave. We should all be so fortunate. 

So, my dear readers… what are your aspirational values and how are you living out your legacy?