This past weekend brought more statements about John McCain’s cancer prognosis from his family. It was ripe with statements using words like “fight” and “battle”. This language seems consistent with Senator McCain’s history of military service and imprisonment at a Vietnamese POW camp. But aggressive language about cancer makes me feel uncomfortable. You know, uncomfortable like I just ate too much pizza while wearing my tightest jeans or I wore an old wool sweater that has gotten itchy after too many washings. It just does not fit. Does that mean it should not fit for everyone else? No. I think that is the significance of this conversation. Every patient, every family member or friend, every health care provider, gets to decide what language about cancer fits for them. But we also have to be aware of the fact that my language and yours may not match and to be respectful of that.

Why is this language issue so important to me? First, I believe that bringing words and emotions of hate to cancer enables the “experiential” power of cancer to grow. I want to bring the language of acceptance and purpose as a way of coping with my cancer diagnosis. That is how I strive to move through life in every other aspect of my being. Why would I be different when it comes to cancer? Second, I cringe at the idea that someone “loses their battle with cancer”. Please don’t say that after I’m gone. Please. Please. It is as though cancer is a competition and someone lost. A competition occurs only when both individuals or groups have equal power or influence. Cancer holds all the cards for many people who are facing it. If I die tomorrow from cancer, it will not be for any other reason than that’s what cancer does. It will not be because I did not want to live. Or that I left anything on the table. I have played all my cards, and played those cards carefully and thoughtfully.

Maybe it is my faith that has intensified my awareness of language. Or it is my work as a therapist, where I witness daily the power of words to wound a soul or to heal a spirit. Maybe I’m just a freak about semantics because as an author, I hear from those who have read my book and are going through their own cancer experience. All I know is that our language matters. This calls on us to choose our words carefully when speaking about such an emotionally laden issue as cancer. It also calls on us to honor the right of others to so the same.