Last week’s blog post shared the news that my former sister-in-law, Sharon had passed away from a broken neck following a bad fall. The grief was overshadowed by the regret I felt. I had taken space from Sharon during a dark time in my life and never took accountability or let her know how deeply sorry I was. And now she was gone. And my chance to repair what I had damaged had slipped through my fingers.

Sharon’s funeral was on Wednesday, Valentine’s Day. What a perfect day as Sharon was someone who loved so many people. What do I do? I was always close to two of her sons. Do I honor her by attending the funeral? Do I risk that her sons would be angry with me for hurting their mom? Would they feel I was intruding someplace I did not belong? These questions spun around in my brain. Finally, I decided that the fear of facing uncomfortable emotions is what made me miss out on Sharon’s friendship these past eighteen years. It was time to be brave.

I met my youngest, Brie in the parking lot of the funeral home. Her presence calmed my nerves. When we walked into the funeral home, I immediately saw Dave, the son with whom I have spent the most time. As Brie went to hug him, he said “I’m sorry”, rushed past her, and embraced me. We clung to each other and quietly cried. Tears of grief and tears of healing mingled with each other. He told me how good it was to have me there. Other people came in and he reluctantly returned to his role as son. His brother, Daryl, saw me later in the visitation. He grabbed his chest with both of his hands and the tears rolled down his cheeks. Alarmed, I asked him, “Is it OK I came?” He fell to his knees, placed his head on my chest, and openly wept. “I’m so glad you’re here.” he said when he regained his composure. I’m sure we were quite the emotional spectacle in the funeral home. But neither of us were aware of others around us. 

Both men shared that they had missed and loved me. They expressed their gratitude for my role as aunt in their adolescence and young adulthood. Daryl told me, “you have given me so much strength and wisdom. I can never say thank you enough.” While my intention was to honor Sharon at the visitation and funeral, so much more occurred.

A Time to Mourn and A Time to Heal What is my message? Sometimes, when we are brave, we land face down in the dirt and have to pick ourselves up according to Brene Brown. But sometimes, in sweet moments of healing, we get to experience forgiveness and redemption. We get to experience reconciliation and reconnection. I will forever regret I was not that brave with Sharon. But I will forever be grateful for my bravery at her funeral.